Tom Oleari, age 69, passed away unexpectedly from heart failure in Santa Rosa, CA on March 16, 2018. He was preceded in death by his parents, Louis and Esther Oleari of San Rafael and survived by Toni Faxon, his loving girlfriend & life partner of 25 years; his older brother Kenoli Oleari, & life partner Sharon Goods of El Sobrante; CA, his younger brother & sister-in-law, Ted & Renee Oleari of Walnut Creek, CA; and his niece, Leilani Oleari of Portland, Oregon. He is also survived by Doug Faxon & Paulette Staker of Santa Rosa; Andy & Carol (Faxon) Evans of Sacramento; Bryan Evans of Sacramento; and Alison Evans of Rohnert Park.
Loved by friends and family, Tom is greatly missed by the many people whom he touched during his lifetime. In the years before his death, Tom had a close connection to his church community where he sang in the choir and participated in musical and religious events and a decades long loving relationship with his life partner, Toni Faxon. Tom was remembered by many for his unique sense of humor, which will be especially missed. Tom had style and was often the best dressed man in the room.
Tom was born in New Orleans, LA, on July 14, 1948. Because of his father's employment his family moved several times during his childhood. In 1950, the family moved to San Rafael and in 1955 they move to Texas. They returned to live in San Rafael permanently in 1960. In San Rafael, Tom attended and played football at Davidson Junior High school. He attended San Rafael High School where he played guitar and sang with a doo-wop group called Oly and the Pop Tops, swam on the swim team and was a the cheer leader. He graduated from high school in June of 1966.
In October, 1966, Tom enlisted in the Air Force and served four years at Whiteman Air Force Base in Missouri. While in the Air Force Tom played guitar, wrote music and sang with a band that performed at an enlisted mens' club. He received an honorable discharge from the Air Force in October, 1970. After leaving the Air force, Tom became active in Veterans Against the War and Disabled American Veterans, groups that he stayed close to through his life.
After his discharge, following his love of music, Tom attended College of Marin with a Music Major, transferring to Sonoma State College in 1972, managing in business management and graduating in 1974. At Sonoma State, Tom organized a string-band guitar workshop where he met other musicians with whom he started a band called "Smokin." Tom wrote rock, blues, and country western, music for the band, which performed at Sonoma County and nearby venues through the 70's and early 80's. He acquired the nickname, "Catfish" a name influenced by his roots in Louisiana. Following the success of this band, Tom organized a new band called "Flyer" and continued to play and perform.
Following a childhood dream, Tom taught himself to perform magic. Tom performed magic shows as a professional magician in and around Sonoma County between 1975 and 1995.
In 1983 at age 35, Tom was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis which left him with significant short-term memory loss. The following year he married the lead singer in his band. He was divorced in 1993. The multiple Sclerosis got worse impacting his life and eventually causing him to end his career in both magic and music. As Tom lost his ability to perform music professionally, he taught himself how to play the classical guitar and continued to write music. Even with the challenge of his memory loss he found a way to thrive in his love of music.
In 1985, Tom joined the First Presbyterian Church in Santa Rosa. He was actively involved in the choir and other musical and spiritual activities in the church. In addition to singing in the choir, Tom continued to write music, writing and performing hymns as part of the church community. The church became a cornerstone of Tom's life.
In 1993, Tom met and fell in love with Toni Faxon. Toni became Tom's life partner and soul mate. Toni and Tom spent many happy years together, traveling in this country and in Europe, renovating the house he lived in in Santa Rosa, wearing wonderful costumes they created to local fairs and more. Toni was also a wonderful helpmate, supporting Tom and being with him through all of his challenges with multiple Sclerosis. Toni and Tom were together until the end of Tom's life in 2018.
A memorial service will be held for Tom on Saturday, May 12, 2018 at 1:00 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church, 1550 Pacific Avenue in Santa Rosa. A reception will follow the service in Ingram Hall. In lieu of flowers, a donation in Tom’s memory may be made to the First Presbyterian Church of Santa Rosa.
A private burial of Tom's ashes at Santa Rosa Memorial Park will be at 10:30 a.m. on the Veterans lawn at the cemetery for family and close friends.